For My Son

Being only a couple of months away from the birth of our second son, I feel so bittersweet.  I am thrilled to be adding another precious child to our family, but also a bit heartbroken that this intimate time with my first son is drawing to a close.  I know we will still be close and have moments that are all our own, but I also know it will be difficult for us both not to be completely attached to one another.  We haven’t spent more than a few hours apart since his birth and I’m nowhere near ready to leave him overnight as I go to the hospital to give birth.  I know he will be well cared for and that I will be incredibly busy, but  the mom in me just wants to be near him.

Below is the note I will put away for him.
My Dearest Brenan,

You’re too young to understand all the change that is about to happen in our world.  For the past year and a half, we’ve spent our days mostly alone, just you and I.  We giggle, sometimes we cry, we play, we read, sing, dance, and enjoy this special time when I am solely your mommy and you my precious son.  Until you have a child all your own, you may not fully understand just how much these small moments have mattered to me.

I am sure I will read pieces of this note to you again and again over the next several months. When you look up at me with tears because your brand new baby brother rests in my arms and for a moment I can’t hold you both.  Mommy’s eyes will stream with tears too because I never want you to feel like I can’t hold you or be there for you – even for a moment.  You have been my primary thought since I found out you were soon to have a sibling.  I’ve spent many nights worrying about leaving you overnight for the very first time.  I even tried to talk your dad into bringing the pack and play to our hospital room at my most irrational and heartbroken.  Since your birth, my only job has been to care for you and love you.  It’s not easy to have to take even a small break.

You will always always ALWAYS have a special place in my heart.  You were the gift your dad and I received after years of wanting a child.  We spent a long time very sad because we never thought we’d get to experience something so precious as you.

I remember seeing your dad cry when you first came into this world, and your dad never cries. I remember how unreal and wonderful it felt to finally have you in my arms. I’m not sure I’ve really stopped staring at you in awe and wonder since then, and I probably never will.

No matter how many siblings you grow to have, I will never love you any less than I do today.  I will always strive to give you my attention and teach you all the wonders this world has to offer.  You are such a smart, brave little boy full of love and life.  I know you will be an amazing big brother just as you have been an amazing son.

You will show Nevan all the things precious to you and teach him your favorite songs.  You’ll pat his hand when he’s sad and laugh with him as you play.  And you will, as always, make me a very proud and happy mom.  You, your brother and your dad are my whole world.  I can’t imagine anything greater than watching you grow and blossom as we enter the next stage in our lives.

Love Always,

Your Mommy

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