I made the decision last week to prioritize my life and focus almost solely on my family. It wasn’t a rash decision and there were many factors and many discussions. With two young children, my family won the list of pros vs cons. As they always will.
I woke up the morning after sending out my various emails and notes about not doing this or that anymore with a feeling of clarity. How was I to know that choosing to temporarily eliminate things that I thought were making me happy would relieve me of a vast amount of stress. Had I known, I would’ve done it sooner.
We only get five years of uninterrupted time with our children. And that is if we don’t send them to preschool or pre-k. I’m certainly not putting down anyone whose children take part in these activities. I think they are wonderful and my children will likely spend at least a bit of time in one of them before starting school. But I want to enrich those five precious years with memories created at home as much as I can.
Perhaps there are moms out there who can do it all, all at once. I’m not one of them. And I think my biggest accomplishment to date is my children. I won’t ever do anything that trumps them. I won’t ever create anything more precious and valuable than they are. And so, I place them above all else on this earth. I would gladly give up most of what I hold dear to see them thrive and succeed.
This weekend started off with taking my sons shopping for fall clothes. The saying is true, they are ever-growing and they don’t stay little long. My oldest thrived on this close attention to him. Getting to pick out pieces of clothing that HE liked. Things that would make HIM happy to wear. My youngest was happy to be along for the ride.
Our Saturday was spent like most others over the last few months have been – with family. Family that celebrates their little lives as much we do. Family that makes us feel loved, appreciated, wanted. Family that makes is so easy to remember WHY we are here. It isn’t for money, it isn’t for ‘things’. It’s for that feeling of closeness, compassion, happiness. Love.
Sunday my husband and I cleaned the house together. We reorganized the playroom, the toys, and cleaned out the flower bed. My oldest and I planted fall flowers while my youngest was thrilled to have one on one time with daddy. He plopped his cute little bottom on the couch right beside daddy and they watched football. There was no separation. We were all doing things together, and this is what I have missed.
My goal for as long as I am their mother is that I do not hold them back. That I do all that I can to empower who those children are meant to be. This may mean guiding them, giving them advice, teaching them, or even once in awhile just saying “No.” But I will not hinder my support of those children by getting lost in all the other ‘things’ that go on in our lives. I chose to bring those beautiful little lives into this world and it is my mission to teach them the beauty and wonders of this world. To say no to what is wrong, to teach them to know the difference.
They are my most prized gift and I will strive to help them grow into caring, compassionate men who do good above all else. I don’t care if they grow up to be doctors or garbage collectors as long they do it with a smile in their hearts. We are all wonderfully made and I will work to make sure that their beautiful little souls are not tarnished.