I started on a journey in April… I was fed up with not fitting into clothes and generally not feeling well. I talked a bit about this journey here. I’m happy to say that I met my first goal of losing 20lb and am now only 3lb away from the second goal to lose a total of 30lb. I mean, holy crap guys, I actually did it! I conquered something I’ve long been afraid of and angry at – my body.
The energy you get when you’re healthy and getting fit is incredible. Things that used to make you feel winded and ‘old’ don’t really bother you anymore. You actually enjoy being active and exercising. I was lazy. I don’t think I believed that I was lazy at the time, but I was lazy. I’m still not the most active person, but now I prefer getting off the couch and doing something. Whether it’s chasing my kids around the backyard, doing fun exercise routines with them, or just good ol’ playing, it feels nice. It’s also nice to put on clothes and not feel like they’re too tight. Or look in the mirror and be angry about what you see.
In the beginning of this journey, I thought a lot about what I was ‘missing’. Soda, eating whatever I wanted without knowing the calories and nutrients. Having a huge slice of cake just because. What I didn’t realize is that I was actually missing out on things that were much more important before I started my journey. I was missing weeks without headaches, being able to play outside with my kids and not feel exhausted. I was missing confidence in myself and energy to stop going through the day sluggish and depressed. I was missing me…the me I was before I was bogged down with infertility, financial stress, and the extra weight that packed on with those stressors and bad choices. I have me back. I am finally back to seeing in pictures what I saw in the mirror. If you know that feeling…you know how big of a win it is.
So, for the future, I still find myself walking on this journey. I’m no longer counting calories, but still losing weight. It is still important to me to eat healthy and make wise food choices. It is still very important to me to exercise daily and continue to instill these good habits in my children. It is important to me to get fit. I recognize that perfection is not what I am after. Having had kids can make it difficult to get a flat ‘perfect’ tummy. But it doesn’t mean I won’t continue to work towards my fitness and my idea of perfection and happiness. A funny thing happens when you start taking care of yourself physically. You find that you are also taking better care of yourself mentally. You start to let go of emotional baggage as you drop physical pounds. And emotional health? That is quite priceless to the worrying, stressed, bit of a neurotic being in me.
This is my journey to happy…and I think I’ve found it.