I’ve always described myself as a romantic… Driven by emotion, an eccentric, whimsical human-being. Those are the qualities I’m enamored by, but they aren’t always the most accurate descriptors for who I am. Perhaps better suited for the girl I long to be.
I second guess myself often. I worry over details that no one else will notice. I remember snippets of conversations that I found vitally important, yet quickly forgotten by my fellow converser. What I easily forget is the moments and decisions that left me truly happy were often made on a whim. They were not meticulously thought out or planned. They were leaps of faith on what my heart deemed perfection and necessary for happiness.
I fell in love with my husband without giving my heart consent to do so. I fought it hard, the circumstances were not ideal. And yet, here we are. Nearly nine years later and I do believe I love that man more and more each day. I love the way my body falls into his open arms and his warmth and embrace melts away my troubles every day. I have memorized the curls in his hair, the crinkle at the corner of his eyes when he smiles and how he knows to whisper into just the right spot on my neck to send shivers down my spine. He knows when I need to laugh or cry. The beginning of our romance was a leap of faith that all would work out and fall into place. Few believed it would, but we listened to what our hearts whispered and we were rewarded richly.
I took a leap of faith to leave behind a career and stay home with my oldest son. Filled with doubt, fighting tears through each step of the decision. Coming up on four years, another son added to the mix, I’m still home soaking up their childhoods. Our second son was planned as our first, but only whimsically and without the heartbreak and trials of infertility. He added more light and laughter to our lives. We’re still making it. Though it hasn’t been the easiest four years, each time I pray for guidance and will my heart to show me what to do next, I discover answers and reassurance. Guided by my heart, muting my doubts and casting aside my worry. I am where I was always meant to be.
I’ve fought my heart over the next step in our lives. Thinking of how hard this move or that move would make things. My heart screams at me to stop fighting, to stop turning my life into a battle of wills. It leaves my being in chaos and makes me feel uneasy. It keeps placing reminders of how following my heart has brought me the best pieces of my life.
So once again, I will my mind to be quiet and still so that my heart may speak. I ask for guidance, and the courage to follow where I am being lead. There are few coincidences in this life. When the world (and your heart) are trying to tell you something, be still and listen. Go where your intuition leads….